Can there be a state in which you are investing energy in your relationship without it being work? I hear people talking about working hard in their marriage and it just doesn’t seem like fun. What if you invest energy from a place of excitement and creating together? What does a daily practice of attachment look like? There are three qualities that are useful in thinking of a daily practice of being connected to your partner.
The first step in staying attached is awareness. What is happening in your body? How are you feeling? What are you thinking? Starting with awareness with yourself is important before jumping over to checking in with your beloved.
I like the whole concept of inquiry. It is the act of asking for information, investigating what is going on. Inquiry is a neutral space in which a person is encouraged to unfold and share their process. It’s not judgmental, you aren’t simply waiting to have your turn to talk, but you are really receiving what your partner is saying. The most important thing about inquiry is that it come from a place of curiosity. When we are making assumptions in our relationships we stop the flow of curiosity and in the moment discovery. If you are creating a beautiful relationship together—like two artists– there has to be curiosity. If artists get into a space where they judge or hate what they are creating—it stops the creative flow. This is what we are aiming for in relationship artistry—a creative flow in which you create a union that serves you both, a vital connection. It is important to be honest and truthful while also being kind. Talk in “I” statements whenever possible, own your experience don’t put it on other people, “You abandoned me” could become “I felt really sad when you left on Saturday.” This can become an ongoing state in which of awareness (checking in), inquiry (unpacking what’s going on) and curiosity.