New to Polyamory? Advice for the Curious and The Committed

Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

If you are a newbie to polyamory and want to experiment with open relationships —here are some thoughts. First of all, good for you that you are thinking out of the box, it is liberating to set up your relationships with unique agreements and your own personal doctrine. You may be new to polyamory but you are not new to being you. The more you can stay with your values and your vision for relationship, the more positive the experience will be.

Several months ago I was surfing the internet reading poly websites and I found a polyamory website that told people to ‘show up, bring your own beer, shut up, and learn the rules’—! It was amazing to me that poly people could be so rigid and dogmatic. My advice is quite the contrary.

1) Show up

2) Observe what others are doing to get ideas

3) Create your own relationship vision—perhaps “borrowing” ideas from others

4) Make your own unique agreements

There are lots of good books, websites, and information about open marriage, swinging, polyfidelity to name a few subsets of poly. But after you’ve examined what others are doing—do it your way. The poly people I know each have their own unique styles, and agreements—and they are all slightly different. It’s kind of like being a parent—there are many great parents in the world—each of them doing it slightly differently. To me polyamory is an ongoing open conversation and the willingness to be innovative in my relationship to keep the relationship thriving. Find out what you want in relationship—and go for that.

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