Relationship for me is a vehicle for growth and transformation. When I have moments of illumination or leaps forward in consciousness it is usually in relation to another person. I am a people person. My situation reflects this. I wanted a stimulating, supportive home environment that would grow me.
Knowing and acting on what is “your truth” is a building block to creating a gratifying life. Speaking your truth takes practice. Using “I” statements is a useful conversational technique that allows for more movement to occur. I haven’t always been good at this. My conversational style at times has been to analyze and sometimes criticize the other person in an effort to get what I wanted. What I’ve found works better is “I” statements. “I feel hurt” vs. “You abandoned me”.
Listening is crucial. Are you listening or waiting to talk? Let the other person’s words affect you. Speaking your truth isn’t helpful if you are dumping on the other person. Think about what it is you are attempting to create, what is your intention? More love? Passion?
My intention with Hank (my former husband) and O (my current husband) is to remain close and loving. Several years ago I started to realize I wanted a lover. Hank and I were best friends. We’d been married twenty five years. I loved our children and our family life together. However our relationship had moved into life partners more than lovers. I wanted to maintain my family life and add in a lover. (A very ballsy undertaking!) Moving O in was a process that happened over a period of years. It entailed spiraling many times through: discovering my truth, speaking it, visioning creative solutions (together and alone) and then taking action. When you are creating a community everyone is not always aligned and the process can take time. It’s important to move forward only when the group is aligned in their vision.