Sometimes when I’m writing blogs about open marriage, I think about people that an open relationship might not be right for. And situations where opening your marriage would not be a good thing to do. One of the most important elements in any relationship is reciprocity. I have had openness in several of my relationships and it has worked out well. But I’ve only been open with men who are very generous, aware, caretaker types. Quite honestly, it can be dangerous to open up your relationship when it is not a nurturing relationship.

Make sure you are dealing with a generous aware person. I have been known to secretly give a potential friend my “worthy of a relationship” test. The test is designed to find out if I want to invest in a friendship with them. I’ll be hanging out with my potential new buddy when I’ll casually say, “I feel a little depressed today.” Or whatever I am feeling. But I usually pick something to discuss that is a little hard, a little a painful. And if my potential friend comes back with “Man, you’re depressed! You can’t believe what happened to me today!” Or if they completely ignore my statement and my feelings, I am very wary to invest more energy in the friendship. Openness in a relationship can be a complete disaster if you don’t feel safe and emotionally connected to the other person. Make sure reciprocity is an ongoing facet your relationship before you open it.